Creating relationship agreements with EASE
There are certain fundamental principles that need to be in place for a relationship to be truly fulfilling. My understanding of these principles are summed up as the Fulfilling Relationship philosophy.
The strategies which translate this philosophy into practical reality, together form the Fulfilling Relationship approach, a balanced combination of open sharing and guidance, effective exercises and enjoyable homework, which gently transform relationships from ordinary to extraordinary.
“Establishing Agreements that Satisfy Everyone” [EASE] is a process which embodies the core of the Fulfilling Relationship approach. It is a process of constructive negotiation, which guarantees that any difficulties that may come up between you are resolved in such a way that you both end up being sufficiently satisfied.
When you handle all issues and differences with this approach to creating relationship agreements, your relationship journey together becomes an upward spiral of ever-increasing trust, good-will and love, which is the central key to making your relationship truly fulfilling.
Win-win relationship agreements
The main feature of the EASE process for creating relationship agreements is that it does away with the tug-of-war which usually commences when two people have different ideas of how something should be done. Hence, rather than either of them working on the “win-lose” principle, i.e. “this is a battle where one of us will win and the other lose, and I’m going to win even if it means that you lose”, they both operate from the understanding that if one of them loses, the relationship is losing. And so they set out to find “win-win” solutions, i.e. solutions where they both win, and where therefore the relationship also wins.
Basically how this process for creating relationship agreements works, is that both people, instead of trying to force their partner over to their own position, actually try to find ways that they themselves can move toward where their partner is – the complete reversal of a tug-of-war, in other words. The important thing to notice though, is that neither of them move toward their partner’s position without making sure that their own needs are also sufficiently met.
What we are looking for in the EASE process for creating relationship agreements are ways for giving, rather than ways for taking. And since giving is loving, to focus on giving as much as possible of what the other needs – using conditions and circumstances to make sure that it is possible to give without losing – offers us the experience of being as loving as it is possible for us to be.
The immediate effects of the EASE process for creating relationship agreements are obvious; both of you end up satisfied with the outcome of the process. But there are also other, long-term effects, which become obvious as you continue to use the process.
When you consistently apply this process for creating relationship agreements to any issues that come up, you will gradually begin to experience a deep sense of trust and “belongingness” together, a sense of being on the same team, a team which is capable of resolving any challenges in such a way that everyone is sufficiently satisfied. This experience of “belongingness” may reach deep into your sense of self, gently dissolving any notion of being a lone, individual being, separated from all others and the world that surrounds you.
To learn how to apply the EASE process for creating relationship agreements to the specific issues that you may be struggling with in your relationship, don’t delay, contact me today for an appointment!
